salute to the nature

salute to the nature

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Anak yang super pemalu = low confident level

aku tak pasti berapa ramai parent kat 1Malaysia ni mengalami masalah yang sama dengan aku, iaitu anak perempuan umor 3 tahun yang tersangatlah pemalunya sampaikan kita naik geram sebab bila dia taknak get well dengan masyarakat, dia akan nampak rude gila especially bila berdepan dengan mak-mak sedara, atok nenek, uwan dan segalanya. (well, bangsa kita kan penuh budi bahasa, sopan santun dan hormat menghormati. Mana-mana aku pergi orang akan expect budak kecik tu akan baik, shake hand, terus rapat mesra alam dengan orang yang baru dia jumpa tu, especially kalau dengan atok atau neneknya lah)


Bagi aku, secara peribadi, aku kenal anak aku. Aku tahu Juwita sangat pemalu. Dan aku tak paksa dia. Slowly lah kan, benda ni mana boleh jadi serta merta. Budak tu 3 tahun kan... Takkan nak expect dia tahu semua. Mana yang rude mana yang tidak pon dia belum habis katam. Tapi aku search jugak berkaitan dengan 3 year old behavior ni. Aku search lagi pasal preschooler social skill, perangai, sikap, personaliti dan segala berkaitan dengan budak umor 3 tahun ni.


Dan, ya. Aku tak salah. It is completely NORMAL for 3 year old kids to be SHY dan mengelak masyarakat. Memang perangai dia bila avoid to shake hand, atau avoid nak jumpa orang semua membuatkan kita meluat dan naik darah. Tapi apa yang kau nak expect??? Kita orang dewasa pon kadang-kadang pemalu jugak. Kita nak jumpa bos pon takut, kadang-kadang nak cakap kat suami sendiri pon takut, nak cakap kat mak abah kita pon takut. Itu kita tu, manusia dewasa lingkungan 20-an hingga 30-an. Bagi budak 3 tahun, jumpa tetamu, atok nenek tu adalah sangat BIG DEAL bagi mereka! macam kita nak jumpa bos besar!


Tambahan lagi, dengan budak umur 3 tahun, social skill dia belum habis develop lagi. Comunication skill dia belum advance, vocabulary dia belum banyak.. jadi dia ada problem nak express feeling dia pada ketika itu. Kalau dia nak beritahu dia malu pon dia tak boleh sebab dia tak tahu apa feeling dia sebenarnya pada ketika itu. Dengan dia sendiri pon masih struggle dengan confident level dia. Alah, orang dewasa pon ramai yang ada masalah dengan confident level. Kenapa nak expect budak 3 tahun boleh jadi confident tiba-tiba?


Confidence is a skill thats learnt throughout life, not as a toddler. So why you expect too much on your kids?


Jadi kalau budak 3 tahun refuse to shake hand, tak payah la amik hati sangat. She just 3 years old and she is just too shy. She's not being rude (walaupon memang la nampak macam rude gila bagi orang melayu), and she is actually struggling with her confident level.


Kalau kita marah dan scold dia, lagi akan buat dia makin backwards. Sebab kita tak show the proper way to handle situation. Dan actually, akan buat confident level dia lagi down down dan down.


Sebenarnya kita kena banyak sabar nak handle budak macam ni. Bila dia buat hal, taknak salam ke ape, just let it go je masa tu. Later, tunjuk kat dia communication skill yang lebih elok, encourage dia untuk cuba, dan bagi semangat kat dia supaya confident level dia meningkat. Budak yang super pemalu ni sebenarnya ada masalah confident. Dia selalu rasa kurang yakin/ takut berhadapan dengan situasi baru.


Paling penting, jangan push dia, dan jangan paksa dia buat benda yang dia tak selesa. Kalau dia tak selesa nak shake hand, takpe la. Kita ajar dia sikit demi sedikit. Confident ni kita belajar sepanjang hayat, bukan kena master masa umor 3 tahun. Please dan please, jangan la expect too much for 3 year old kids. Jangan lah expect anak kita perfect. Kanak-kanak macam kita juga, ada karakter, ada perangai, ada sifat, ada peribadi. Ada yang pemalu, ada yang peramah, ada yang aktif, ada yang laid back. Macam kita jugak tak semua orang mesra alam kan? Ada yang pemalu, ada yang out spoken, ada yang sensitive. Budak kan manusia juga?


Aku faham kenapa Juwita pemalu, dan aku sangat memahami sikap pemalu dan low confident dia tu, sebab aku dulu pon sangat pemalu orangnya. hihihi~ Dan situasi aku masa kecil pon tak merangsang level confident aku. Aku jadi budak yang sangat pendiam dalam kelas, sangat laid back, takut kat cikgu, taknak volunteer, tak mesra dengan sepupu sepapat, taknak bergaul. Slowly, aku develop sendiri confident level aku bila aku makin dewasa. Aku beruntung sebab masa kat MRSM mereka menitik beratkan perkara ini. Banyak aku belajar untuk jadi lebih yakin diri masa kat asrama.


Berbalik pada Juwita, sebab tu aku faham sangat apa yang melanda Juwita ni. Berdasarkan pengalaman aku, confident level bukan sesuatu yang kau boleh belajar sekelip mata. Makan bertahun jugak. Even sekarang pon, kadang-kadang, in certain situation dan keadaan, aku struggling dengan confident level aku sendiri. Ada ketika aku rasa sangat down dan ada ketika aku rasa sangat blur nak bercakap dengan orang. Itu aku tau! aku 27 tahun. Jadi, bayangkan perasaan yang sama perlu dihadapi oleh budak berumur 3 tahun.


Mungkin untuk orang yang tak ada problem ni dia akan nampak benda ni remeh temeh, dan dia akan rasa budak 3 tahun tu kurang hajar. Lepas tu simply salahkan mak pak konon tak pandai ajar anak. Gitu lah orang kita kan.... dengan skeptical minded nya. Tapi aku tak menunding jari kepada sesiapa, sebab aku faham orang lain tak berada dalam situasi yang sama.


Memang susah orang nak faham situasi si anak ni. Siapalah lagi yang nak bagi semangat kat dia, encourage dia dan tolong dia tingkatkan confident level dia kalau bukan ibu bapa nya sendiri, bilamana orang lain hanya tahu menjatuhkan dan men-down-kan, walhal sebenarnya apa yang si anak itu perlukan adalah sokongan dan bantuan.


Sebelum aku menutup parenting guidance aku hari ini (ceewah) mari kita baca artikel berkaitan. Mungkin ayat aku di atas kurang difahami oleh segelintir umat. Mungkin artikel dari pakar akan membuka minda hati hati manusia untuk memahami situasi ini. Aminn~~~


sumber adalah dari askdrsears.com Sila baca di attach link untuk full article. http://66.116.114.76/html/10/T110223.asp

Many children are labeled shy. If you understand what this term really means, you may decide that it's not such a negative quality after at all. Shyness can be a help or a handicap to a child, depending partly on how it's handled.

WHEN SHYNESS HELPS A CHILD
Shyness is a personality trait, not a fault. Some of the nicest people I've ever known are shy. These persons tend to be attentive listeners, private people who exude a welcome presence even without saying a word. Shyness is what attracted me to Martha. We met at a fraternity party in my senior year in medical school. She was standing in the midst of a bunch of my boisterous frat brothers. Everyone was talking but her. She listened. Her eyes met everyone else's. She smiled and made her quiet presence felt. She wasn't outgoing, but she made all the extroverts around her comfortable. I thought, "What a nice person to be around." There was nothing flashy about her, yet her body language and sweet demeanor said "There is a person who's nice to be next to." I called her the next day and the rest is beautiful history.

HUG YOUR LITTLE BLESSING
First, recognize that you are blessed with a sensitive, deeply caring, reserved child who is slow to warm up to strangers, approaches social relationships cautiously, but generally seems to be a happy person. Hug your quiet child. The world will be a more gentle place because of him or her.

THE HARDER YOU PULL, THE MORE THE CHILD RETREATS
It's tempting to want to help the shy child. But be careful—the more you pull, the more some children recoil. You can't pull a child out of shyness. It's better to create a comfortable environment that lets her social personality develop naturally.





My 3 years old daughter is really shy. she's reluctant to shake hand to the visitors and doesn't reply them.?


Answerer 1

I have this issue too! Except not with shaking hands or anything....but she's really outgoing, wild, happy, talkative, and completely a fun energetic girl. But when she has a lot of strangers around that say she's pretty or want to play with her etc etc....or around other children...she acts SO SHY. I hate it sometimes! For example, her bday was 2 days ago...and we were singing her happy birthday with a few close family friends...and she acted soooo shy she didn't want to blow out candles or take pictures...when she's absolutely crazy about both of those things! She loves blowing out all the candles around our restaurant...and she's always posing for pics. I want to show her off when she's in her bouncy hyper fun loving moodddd!! But sometimes it's so hard because of her shynessss!!! Lol. She's an only child...and doesn't go to school yet because she's always taken care of by family..and the closest to her age is my baby sister who is 12 years old. haha. Hopefully she will grow out of this once she starts preschool or something.


Answerer 2

She is only three years old!! Confidence is a skill thats learnt throughout life, not as a toddler


Answerer 3

A confident person? She is 3 MF'ing years old. You should be more focused on forcing her to learn complex math equations or she will never make it in a good college and then she will be a homeless bum and it will reflect on you as an awful mother and all your friends and family will think you are scum. You wouldn't want that.


Answerer 4

Why would you get your three year to shake hands!?
She will come round to strangers, give her time. A lot of children are shy at this age.


Answerer 5

don't force her to interact. my son can be very shy as well. when meeting someone ask her to say hello, and if she doesn't don't make a big deal. just explain to the person that she's feeling a little bit shy today. if she does say hello, praise her later for not being shy.


Answerer 6

Don't force it. She's only 3.

Also does she know these people? If not then definitely don't force her. That would teach her to not only talk to strangers but also to give them her hand which would make her easier to run off with or hurt her.





~ tak salah belajar sesuatu yang baru. Perjalanan sebagai ibu bapa itu kan adalah satu pembelajaran =)

~ Parenting is a journey, and every day we learn something new about it

~ bila baca yang artikel dr sears tu, perangai budak gini, memang sangat-sangat represent Juwita. Bila terbaca tu memang terbayang-bayang juwita.

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